5 min read

Be a lover!

Be a lover!

We live in a world of self-directed hate speech.

If we should cancel anything, we should cancel our minds. Sitting up there, all high and mighty, saying whatever it was conditioned to say—judging everything it encounters.

It's like being in a toxic relationship. Since we won't set boundaries, our mind continues to do its own thing without regard for how that makes us feel.

You teach your mind how to treat you – through what you put up with.

The trouble is that we put up with everything the mind does because we believe we are the mind. How can you set boundaries with yourself? You wouldn't even realize you could do that, to begin with, because we often overlook the things we're deeply identified with. It's a recipe for trouble.

And so life goes on, and more damaging, vile, and putrid attitudes get collected, all while we're watching it happen, happily at times.

We're like a janitor in a school that doesn't clean, doesn't enforce any rules, and lets all the garbage pile up. All the suffering in the world is right at our fingertips. We let all of it in and let it reverberate in our minds. We sometimes take the position of righteousness even when our halls smell of dirty socks, rotting sandwiches, and puberty.

It's self-delusion of the worst kind.

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation" - Oscar Wilde.


is the vilest form of torture that exists.

From it spawns:

  • Self-doubt
  • Self-hate
  • Self-violence
  • etc...

If you have a masochistic bend, then by all means, continue in self-judgement. Go right ahead.

But I believe that 99.9% of humans would be better off without it. I believe that every internal struggle/problem has roots in self-judgement. All resistance starts with first making a judgement about how life is now. It often rejects some facet of our experience, which our minds pick up on like a universal librarian that stores information for later use. It then uses those impressions to create a story about who we are – without regard for truth!

Our mind itself is a master of propaganda. It's all Fake News!


is the way out.

We've been decked out with some pretty sweet hardware and software. Our bodies & minds are the results of a millennium of rapid iterations. The human experience is the most significant product ever created – at least to us. If aliens did come by, they'd probably be pretty impressed with our product development process.

However, they'd notice that we haven't all been taught how to use the tools given to us. It's like giving a monkey the controls to a Boeing 747 – what did you expect would happen when the plane eventually crashes, killing everyone onboard?

And so it would be easy to judge all the wacko, seemingly crazy people around us, but at some level – we all know that they, too, share something with us. They share a spark of potential, enough to get them out of whatever hell they find themselves in – they just need to look inside.

So if you've just come around to realizing that:


You might, justifiably, be a bit annoyed and peeved. You'd probably also be inclined to find a party to hold accountable. The usual suspects tend to be: parents, school, government, the media, religion, Facebook, my inlaws, and the like.

But that's all a waste of energy. Instead, you should CELEBRATE! Doing just that is probably step 1 to finally finding lasting peace in our lives. Correcting the mistaken identification with our minds is our first step to healing.

Your Ascent Into Self-Love

With the identification fixed. A few things will start to occur naturally. Remember that janitor analogy I used earlier? The school received a mandate from a higher source, and the janitor will be paid double if they keep the school clean. Suffice it to say, all that garbage is going to come out.

This process feels like pulling teeth. All the vile things stored in your mind will start to bubble up alongside accompanying feelings. We must attend to both mindfully and with self-compassion.

The last thing we want is to find ourselves lost in what comes up. These negative energies tend to be recursive; if you get lost, you fall through a matrix of other negative energies. Waste of time and energy if you ask me.

We have to hold our ground. And that means we might secede some of our autonomy if the emotion is extra strong, but we must try our best not to be thrown off our throne.


  1. Become aware of incoming negative thoughts/feelings.
  2. Quietly tell yourself: "I am aware of [whatever thought or feeling]."
  3. Create an outline around the thought and feeling (feel the space around it)
  4. If you can – remind yourself that this feeling/thought will not stick around forever – so stay grounded.
  5. Slowly breathe – imagine the thought/feeling being cleaned.
  6. Wait for the negative thought/feeling to leave.

Just do this. And the result will be a river of life roaring through your heart. After clearing all the gunk, things pass through you. Nothing gets stuck.

This may not be your definition of "self-love," but we can agree that having a loving and clear mind is a good enough place to be.

Introducing Boundaries

Having started the cleaning process, it is time to introduce some healthy boundaries. It's time to start developing a relationship with our minds.

The mind is good for 3 things:

  1. Solving problems
  2. Finding patterns
  3. Setting intentions

We want to adjust our lifestyle to accommodate what our minds are naturally good at, not what we misuse them to do.

The mind is not who you are – it is a tool.

Are you a hammer? No.

Are you the one who uses the hammer? Yes.

Writing is the way...

A great way to start using the mind is through writing. Often we are engaged in thought during all hours of the day, but if we set the conditions to only actively engage in thought while writing, we save ourselves from ourselves.

So if you want to think, only do it with pen and paper.

Do you want to plan something? Write it down.

Worry about the future? Write that down too.

Work through past experiences? Great! Write that down as well.

When we write, we access a deeper level of processing normally not available when just thinking about stuff. You get more done while increasing your inner peace.

What a deal!

Time-bounding worry...

Another tip is to give yourself 10-15 minutes daily to have worry, fear or anxiety thoughts. Give yourself a period each day to let your mind lose its crap entirely.

Just let all the worrying happen.

But once the time is up. Drop it. Drop it from your consciousness entirely. Firmly resolve and tell yourself, "Time's up! I will be back tomorrow."

Positive Affirmation...

All those negative thoughts? Those were affirmations but of a harmful kind. Here want to start giving our minds positive things to say.

An affirmation is a conviction in motion.

Using the present tense (I am), start telling yourself what you do want:

  • I am currently profoundly at peace
  • I am resilient and strong
  • I can do anything I put my mind to
  • etc...

Make a list...

Given a prompt, give your mind the task of brainstorming answers.

For example:

The things I am brilliant at:

  1. This
  2. That
  3. etc.

This trains your mind to look out for the things you are brilliant at! Feel free to make your prompts!

Eventually, you'll become a bit more empty on the inside, empty of false identities, judgements, and thoughts.

This is a good place to be.

with love,